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This is a story which many already experience in their life but somehow it keep returning again and again.

I have been told that the only way to not experience this emotion is by doing your best, but somehow this feeling keep getting back to you again..so whats wrong?

some people regret their decision in lives such as chosing jobs, cars or loves.. i regret that things too, but most of it i regret for not holding hard enough…did i give my best in this?

but when i listen to a songs, it make it a sound simple but why cannot be applied in real lives? why it is so hard to realise what you really want..

today, i feel tired  of trying..i even complain to the boss on the top that why did he always try me with something that is very hard to swallow.. i said i m tired of waiting, i am tired for not knowing where this will go, i am tired of wondering what happend, i am tired of asking to my self “was it only me who think like this?” but most of it is that i m tired to wonder if this will be my life in the end if i continue to trying with this while the other side always take me for granted and do whatever she want.  

i regret for being a person that i told everyone because but i will endure this coz i know god did give something that his creations cannot take it.

It has been a tired weekend, while everyone i know might enjoy their weekend like reading books, watching movies, night outs, or simply doing nothing in their weekend, here i am wrking my ass off driving my truck 480km straight out in two days, hauling rice sacks from the field to the grinder and to the truck and driving them straight from the village to the big city to be sold on the weekdays. how my life come to this, was a big surprise anyway…didnt plan this, it just happend and it start nearly a year now.

good thing, i love to drive my truck, if i stay with the other jeep, i might throw up all the way. btw my truck stink now hehe not many owner of that kind of truck in jakarta really ever do what i did to that truck, but hey i guess it is what a truck build for, right!

i hope business should going good for now, the trend show it is on the right track but i still remember a words like ’shit do happend’ and it is happening for me more than what i hope for..so i just hope that ’shit’ never happend to this business that i do now.

The good thing of being farmer/trader/marketer/land owner is that you get out of the office a lot and you did spend more time out door than indoor. it gives me a time to appriciate what god have created for us, such as a green earth, air to breath, water to drink, plant to eat, shit (manure) make our plant healthy and how sad it is to see that man (women) take it for granted and sometimes act arrogantly by destroy it for a short gain without looking at the long term effect on what they did. hey i never think like this until i am doing this farmer thing and realise how fragile we are and how depended we are to this earth. before i never think that water is truely that essensial until i am trying to keep my field with enough water to survive the dry seasons. i never think that human and animal excrement was such a sweet and sort after goods until i try to keep my chily plant getting enough food to last until it is the harvest time.

The sad part is i also took a notice that human have the ability to help them self from poverty but not many want to do that. when i said ‘let them poor’ when i look on a begger in the street, many thinks that i am cruel and not understanding to other miss fortune. but by doing farming, i realise that god gives us a way to better our self regarding whatever our situations.

but again it is up to us to change our destiny, doing this owning/farming/marketing is not an easy things to do..other might look at me and said ‘ahh you are lucky, if i was on your shoes i will be able to do that too’. but it aint like that at all. i taught it will be like that but it do need your strong will to excel and think on how to work with something you have and not think of something you dont have.

anyway, when i write this blog..i also do internet poker hehe so i am sorry if one story is not relating to others since it depend on what is my state in the poker game

well it has been long since i write about me in this blog. so far all the thing i want to do since i was still in china, none of that are materialise but it doesnt mean that i didnt accomplish anything. life is strange, you can plan anything but the momment you are about to execute it, then all are not going according to your plan so what can we do? just chill and enjoy the ride. this words has translate what i have become.

right now, i am doing farming and constructions in two different locations well islands. the farming is progressing well which i didnt plan to go this far, i do it because i have nothing else to do since the thing that i wanted to do is being hold by many challanges and becoming out of reach (for now) but by doing farming it gives me many new opportinities and new dreams. the same for the constrations, i did it simply by accident and do it as we go kind of strategy, but it to progress very well better than what i was anticipated early on.

thats work aside, as for my personal life, nothing actually happend, been involved with someone but it is very hard to work it out, it is not her fault or mine but just the reality of the situations which i couldnt take it. so right at this momment i am still looking. but since my working area are so remote, the chanse of getting to know the opposite sex are near zero! but still the beauty of this world is you never know who you will end up with.

well thats just about it at this moment since i have to prepare my self to face the on slaught of jakarta traffic.

Banyak yang mengeluh dengan naiknya BBM, maka biaya hidupnya makin tinggi, harga makanan jg naik, uang sekolah jg naik..intinya semua naik!. mahasiswa berdemo sambil anarkis, para pekerja dan ibu rumah tangga pusing-pusing mikirin gimana cara ngakalin pengeluaran yang makin tidak terkendali ini. Kenapa harga minyak dunia naik terus? apa perlu BBM di indo dinaikin? gimana cara kita menyiasati perubahan yg terjadi sekarang ini tanpa menunggu petunjuk pemerintah?

Untuk menjawab pertanyaan pertama, harga minyak naik karena permintaan didunia pun naik pesat. ini disebabkan oleh negara seperti cina dan india, jumlah penduduk kayanya bertambah pesat yang menyebabkan jumlah orang yang dapat membeli mobil jg bertambah. di indonesia sendiri, jumlah kendaraan baru selalu menanjak dari tahun -tahun sebelumnya and guess what, jumlah pembelian BBM pun ikut menanjak tentunya.

BBM perlu dinaikan karena harga minyak dunia pun sudah jauh lebih tinggi dari harga di indonesia, tokoh2 yang bilang seharusnya harga minyak di indo tidak naik seperti Kwik kian Gie adalah orang2 yang "smart ass" atau sok tau dan lupa akan prinsip dasar economi atau mungkin hanya orang-orang yang hanya mencari popularitas semata tanpa perdulu akan nasib rakyat sebenarnya. bila kita tidak menaikan harga maka, BBM kita hanya akan diselundupkan keluar dan boro2 bantu orang miskin, buat menyenengin orang2 yg punya mobil aja engga akan cukup yang dgn kata lain adalah terjadi kelangkaan walaupun harga tidak naik.

banyak orang yg lupa (termasuk saya) bahwa subsidi itu bukan berarti selamannya, sebab kalo selamanya namanya gift atau hadiah. subsidi diberikan bukan untuk dijadikan suatu kenikmatan semata tetapi diberikan untuk membantu kita dalam memulai suatu usaha dan hanya bersifat sementara. kalo subsidi dicabut kenapa kita harus complain? apa tidak mampu kita beli bensin tanpa subsidi?? jawabannya tidak mampu kalo kita emang mental tempe, mampu kalo kita bermental mandiri.

subsidi BBM sebetulnya sama seperti subsidi rokok (bila ada) kenapa? pemerintah membantu menalangi bensin yang ujung2 nya dibakar dan ilang jadi udara, sama seperti rokok bukan? kenapa tidak uang subsidi tersebut diperuntukan buat mensubsidi pendidikan dan pembuatan jalan? menurut saya itu lebih wise dan memiliki long term prospect yang lebih bagus daripada mensubsidi BBM.

yg paling diperuntungkan dalam subsidi BBM adalah orang-orang yang memiliki motor dan mobil, sementara yg tidak hanya menjadi bulan2an ORGANDA dan regulasi pemerintah itu sendiri karena harga angkutan umum jadi naik padahal seharusnya ini tidak harus terjadi.

gimana cara kita menyiasati perubahan yg terjadi sekarang ini tanpa menunggu petunjuk pemerintah?

sebetulnya sangatlah mudah, disiplinkan diri kita dan biasakan hidup effisien. 

kalo kita liat skng di jakarta, setelah BBM naik, apa kemacetan berkurang? tidak, malah makin macet. apakah konvoi2 puncak berkurang? tidak, malah makin banyak. apakah jumlah orang yg pergi ke kantor naik motor dan mobil sendirian berkurang? tidak, malah makin menjadi2. apakah jumlah polusi yg dikeluarkan kendaraan berkurang? tidak, malah makin susah nafas.

so saya berinisiatif melakukan percobaan sendiri tanpa bantuan pemerintah dan siapa2. pertama saya menggunakan mobil saya seperlunya saja, jalan kaki kalo kewarung depan dari yg biasanya naik motor. kedua, sebelum melakukan perjalanan dgn mobil, saya (dgn mesin mati) memplan kan rute perjalanan saya sehingga menghidari jam2 macet seperti pergi jam 6 sebelum jam 8 - 10 pagi dan pulang diatas jam 8, percaya engga mobil gw jadi irit banget hehe soalnya engga buang-buang bensin percuma dan engga nambah polusi yang engga perlu.

oh iya servis mobil berjangka itu lebih ngirit daripada benerin kalo ada yg rusak aja.

skng listrik jg pemadaman bergilir, dari pada saya beli genset. yah saya beli lilin aja yg banyak, panas panas dikit engga apa2 lah wong kita di lahirin di indo kok. jadi pengeluaran saya jg malah makin irit.

so kalo ada yg punya saran ato komentar, kasih tau gw yah

cheers 

People never think about commitment when everything is running smothly, when s/he are in the best desireable mood or when the relationship running smoothly.

but what make a commitment is a true commitement is a decision to stand tall and stead fast when everything arround s/he crumbling down or facing away from your plan.

to build something great is start by simply having a strong dream and commitment toward that objective. there is no greater story in human life which not involving a great commitment from those who involve in it. in marriage, in friendship, in business life, in politic, and in family.

it is easy to say to your self or other that you are commited to some dream or someone or some cause, but it is hard to fullfil your commitment when you at the lowest part of your life, but that is what make a commitment as a strong word than the word actually mean.

The greatest story of mankind are actually could be done by all 99 percent of human in this planet, wether becoming a succesful businessperson, succesful marriage, great musician, great general, and great leader.

but the fact is that the greatest story of mankind alwasy being done by 1 percent of human in this planet. the seperator between the 1 percent and the 99 percent of population is based on the commitment they make and stay commite when everything else around them are saying that s/he should quit s/he commitment to the cause at hand.

commitment = not giving up on your dream and let anything get into or ruining that beutiful dream you have.

The greatest dream is the dream that you have and other think it will not be a sound and logical.

The greatest commitment is a commitment you make to make the dream you have becoming a reality.

Dream and commitment are two things that walk side by side, none of them could work without the others

Dream without a commitment is just a wishful thinking and collections of "if" "what if" "wether if" "i wish"

Commitment without a dream is  a blind effection, and just like a religion without science and science without religion.

Albert Einstein says "science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind"

the current news in Indonesia is about the disappearance of a flight of Adam Air, which is the leading player in Indonesian low cost airlines. this case is a perfect example how unprofessional Indonesian news media covering the event. Until know we dint know the faith of all on board that plan but we all know that currently the media played a role just like a god which in one occasion they already says that there are 20 survivors among all of the passengers. this news create a huge hope for all the passengers families and friends, when the truth is emerging that the statement is false, they start blaming on the government and its effort to recover the lost airline.

one thing that Indonesian should know that in this kind of event, especially for those who have a family member or friends involve in that event that first think they should ask is to the airline it self. are they already operate according to Indonesian safety regulation nor not?

the fact when an airplane crash, it is normal to not get any direct answer from the airline or the government or the search party at least for 1 day after the crash, this is because it is not easy to find an airplane that crash. from the history of air travel, there are many airplane lost and never to be recover therefore don’t blame the government for not finding it but blame the government for not looking for it.

it is also normal not to find the answer for what causing the crash of that airplane for at least 1 month because it is more like a detective work than a government paper pushing job.

the media should actually present the information as it is not adding unnecessary information which lead to presuming, blaming, and mislead the fact.

right now a lot of people who are expert says this and that regarding this lost airplane. i found it crazy that they can make such assumption like weather problems, navigator problems, or human error as we haven’t found that airplane up until now also picturing the sorrow of the missing family over and over as they like a product need to be sell in the world. this kind of additional information is not necessary, they just creating a thicker fog over the current issue and not making the rescue any easier. the fact is that we don’t know what happened to that flight, the search party hasn’t find the location of that lost flight, so what do the family of the missing one or the general people want from the airline and the government??

to say that they are not up to the safety standard is very premature, to say that the government didn’t look hard is also untrue, to say that all the passenger parish on that accident is also untrue as the fundamental fact is that we haven’t found the airplane yet

right now is not the time to blame on anybody but this is the time to actually contribute to the search effort.

Indonesian media should be part of the process not a problem by continuously reporting on the progress and keep following the story till it reach a conclusion.

this what Indonesian media lacking, the fact is that when other airline crash "mandala airline" the news only reported during and after the evacuation of the victims, but there are no news regarding the cause of that accident being reported by the media as everyone lose the interest on that case already after few months.

like someone says Indonesian is full of garnish and lack of cake which mean we never goes in-depth on anything but have a general understanding on anything which make us look like a smart ass.

what is our purpose in this life? i think this is the question that appear in our mind frequently, why this question appear is still questionable. but this make us wonder what do our purpose in this short life on earth. do we just persue happiness to our self without considering others? or we try to make other people happy dispite that didnt make us happy?

base from those two possible outcome, we can summon that if we like to be happy without considering others feeling, in the end it will not make us happy. like to be rich, i seriouslly consider this option to be rich, but the second question is, should i achiave that by making other people unhappy as it is the quickest way to reach that goal. my dream stop at this intersection, i dont have the heart to make others unhappy. i know some people might treat this as the sign of weakness, but in the other way it make me happy that i try not to make other unhappy.

isit the happiness really what we after in this life?

was it you who sang the words that things would happend but not to me, but the things will gonna happend naturally

ohh taking on the bright sight, looking on the bright side and balancing on the whole thing

but it often times those words get tangle up in line, and the bright light turn to dark..and till the dawn is bring a little boy has sing about the magic that was you and me, coz you and i both love ..and you and both love which others only dream of, others only read of , the love ..the love that i loved.

it all about damn words all the number all incumber numbers words , hundred of pages pages those words all words that i ever heard that i feel so alive. ooh you and i you and i got so little you and i anymore, ooohh

be continue

the trip start on the 4th of july 2005, it begin with a ’say goodbye’ things with couple of my friend who i might not see them again once i get back to nanjing. it was sad but i just hope i could see them again though.

so after that we board the train from nanjing to lanzhou, which is in ganshu province. the train takes arround 24 hrs, and we get to see the most of china in one go. from lush and green of jianshu province to ancient province like xian where they have the terracora things up to the arrant mountainius place like ganshu.

the group started with six people which is me, josh, ben, boyana, minwoo, and hongjin. it is originaly plan by me and josh but i am glad many of our friend join us so it become more fun.

on the 5th afternoon we arrive at lanzhou. lanzhou is famaous for it past which used to be the staging place for trader who are going to the west on the silk road. the place is divide into by the yellow river and flank by 2 mountain. if is beutiful place but just feel hard, cause the people starting to be mix races..from manjority chinese han people in the east like nanjing to people from the central asia. muslim culture start to paint the city quite hard. many people came from urygur which famous for their lamb kebab and middle east food.

from this place we are originaly plan to get to urumqi as soon as posibble but we get side track by the idea of visiting xiahe since now we are already in ganshu why not just take 2 or 3 days travel to that place. unfortunalty we cannot go staright away from lanzhou to xiahe because of the insurance scheme thing that other chinese ‘birocrazy’ things. so we stay one night at lanzhou to admire sunset at yellow river while drink tea (sun set at 8 o’clock at night!!)

on the 6th we take the bus journey early in the morning to xiahe, the journey is just like double edge sword..in one side it is beutiful, cause we see magnificent secenry of the ganshu province, the other side is it is wo bumpy and it take 6rhs to get to xiahe. and once we arrive at xiahe we have to force our self to explore the city because the next day we have to catch the same bus back to lanzhou.

xiahe is famous for its tibetan monestary outside tibet, it is really beutiful place to visit. it is located in a valley at the altitude of 2900 meters. it get higher actually when we climb to the monestary. many of my friend get the altitude sickness at night time and for me…i get deariea hehe because of drinking yak milk and eating yak youghart.

on the 7th, we drive back to lanzhou in the morning so by the afternoon we could get the train to urumqi. in lanzhou we get duped by our tixi driver who actully take us arround the city farther from what its suppost to be. josh is clearly piss but for me, well little side track by cheating chinese isnt that so bad cause we get to see back side of lanzhou for extra 2 yuan.

on the 8nd of july 2005, we are on the train seeing the arrid mountain change to desert is also a spectaculy view. it is also the change of view from seeing many house to not seeing them at all. the train journey in china could be consider best value for money, unless you dont have time for your holiday. but taking train you could see more view than taking airplane.

at 6 o’clock we arrive in urumqi, which is claim to be the farthes city from the ocean in the world. it is actually just like a very big oasis bacause it is serrounded by desert. i have no idea why people life here…but they do and they are many of them.

urumqi is a big city not like i imagine, it has many double decker road, many tall building, and the city is supprisingly clean from spitting unlike other chinese city in the east. the city also remind me of middle east because they used dual languge in every street sign, which in chinese and arabic (in some they have 3)

the population is split equaly by chinese and central asia people…and the girls are beutiful !!!! the only problem is we coulnd get accomodation!!

to be countinue… (i have to take a bus to somewhere which i will tell you leter) 

man!! bingung nih!! sometimes she is wonderful and make you feel that you have everything but 2 days later she make you feel like a bunch of losser huhuhuhuhu.

wise man say, only fool rush in, but i cant help falling in love with her…

take my hand, take my whole life to ..but i cant help falling in love with you…